I really don’t like Jessica Simpson. Really. I didn’t like her when she first appeared on the scene, as a Britney Wannabe, her bland songs sampling songs that had already been played to death on their top 40 round trip. I not only had issue with her material but with her source material: the girl trafficked in excess.
Then came her smug “I believe in God so I’m a virgin!” when, the then 22 year old married to Nick Lachey. I could fill another blog (and probably will) with my thoughts on why I don’t think waiting until you are married to have sex is a good idea. Apparently it wasn’t this time either, as the marriage only lasted 3 years.
Simpson film debut was as a bust as her starring role as Daisy Duke in the 2004’s execrable “Dukes of Hazzard”, her role pared down until it was little more than a glorified cameo. Her video for “These Boots are made for walking” was just an embarrassment as Simpson aching desire for approval leapt off the screen and landed with a sad uncomfortable thud in everyone’s laps. Subsequent films went straight to DVD (if they were released at all). Her albums sold poorly. John Mayer apparently made veiled comments about how she was in bed.
However her shoes, hair extensions and makeup sold extremely well. In excess of 100 million dollars a year (groan).
I met Simpson at a party for Tim Gunn 5 years ago. She was very thin and extremely annoying. And she was fidgety! Constantly fussing with her hair, her clothes, her jewelry. She made me nervous. Every gesture screaming “LOVE ME!”. I just wanted to give her a teddy bear, a blankie, some hot cocoa, and then to get THE HELL AWAY FROM HER.
My loathing from her stems partly from prejudices from childhood. I have no doubt she came from a mother who was a Good Christian Bitch. I was raised in the church. I don’t’ attend anymore and not just because crossing the threshold makes my skin sizzle; the hypocrisy makes me queasy. I couldn’t stand the women there with their expensive clothes and blackened hearts. I don’t think Simpson could ever be one of those women. She’s far too dumb. But she would be one of their minions.
So the good Christian girl who doesn’t’ believe in sex before marriage is now pregnant out of wedlock (much like her mall rat sister Ashley who got married when she was 4 months pregnant and is now divorced). And she’s posing naked on the cover of nation magazines once again making a sad copy of iconic image.
I posted on Facebook about sad this creature doing a Demi Moore pose on the cover of Elle. It was just hours before I found out a job I interview I had last week had gone to another candidate. I thought I had aced it. I had to dig change out the couch to get discount Valentine Candy at CVS.
And as much as I want to hate Jessica Simpson, I really can’t. Yes she’s a moron but its not really her fault. Lets face it even if she was born to noble prize winners and educated in private Upper East Side snob factors she still wouldn’t understand the difference between knowing you’re shit and knowing your shit.
A friend on Facebook commented “You know clothing lines sell more than 100 million a year. She outsells Diddy!” I thought of Jessica millions as I rubbed a bruise I had on my knee from crawling under a turnstile because my metrocard is empty.
Somebody Kill me please.
I'll bet cash this has been so photoshopped its practically a painting.
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