Rants and Rave Sept 2nd, 2012

There are from 2012...so far
 

Rants and Raves from the week of August 27th to Sept 2nd.

Jobs

Rant: A few weeks ago I was placed in a temp position at a wonderful company just a quick 20 minute commute from my apt that provided free fruit and greek yoghurt. The people were wonderful, the work was familiar. I came to realize that the woman who quit this position was doing a lot of busy work, very inefficiently. I was praised because I easily able to cut time down and eliminate duplicate work.

Rant: I did such a job showing them how to be efficient and eliminate time wasting they realized they didn’t need me. On Tuesday Aug 28th they let me go.

Rave: My supervisor said he’d give a great recommendation.

Rant: I’ve been having such trouble finding work, and I finally find a good position at a great company that paid well. Its like being presented with a porterhouse steak taking one bite having it torn away and replaced with a big mac. Its soul crushing.

Rave: I have a job interview set up for Tuesday.

Phone

Rant: My super evil, hates me and attempts to kill me in my sleep, straight for Satan cell phone, who would swallow a bottle of sleeping pills RIGHT when I needed it be there for me most, finally made good on its suicide threats. More than once I was left weeping after listening to a voice mail telling me I had a job offer and then spending 20 minutes pleading with my phone to turn on. Alas 10 days ago it beeped its final beep made a dignity free sashay into the afterlife of electronic devices.

So now jobless, I suddentlyt found myself needed a new phone. Cause they cost what 50 cents? 2 dollars?

Rave: Charity a girl who was really mean to me in high school has reconnected with me on Facebook and now she’s really nice to me. She sent me an old Verizon Smartphone she didn’t use anymore.

Rant: I’m a prepaid plan, so I couldn’t use. I had to buy a new phone and why wouldn’t I? I’m rolling in cash!

Rave: it was only $60. Not that it didn’t hurt me but it hurt me a lot less than the $170 I had to spent last time I had to buy a new phone.

sub Rave: I will be paying $23 less a month for phone service.

Mini Rave: maybe because all my friends are out of town for the Labor day weekend but I’ve FINALLY cleaned out my closet. My other goal? clean out my bookshelf and weed through my CD’s since I almost never listen to music.

One question. What to do with my old Playboys? Normally I put my magazines in the laundry room or donate them to ER’s. I can’ do that with my Playboys. Ideas?

Ruby Sparks ***

In my own weird way, I don’t mind most movie cliches. Yes sometimes they annoy me, but for the most part I accept them. I’m always delighted when my expectations are subverted. But there is one cliche I freaking HATE.

The manic pixie dream girl. I HATE HATE HATE IT.

From Wikipedia : Film critic Nathan Rabin, who coined the term after seeing Caroline "Miss" English in Elizabethtown (2005), describes the MPDG as "that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures."[

I found the inherently misogynistic nature of this character insulting.

Along comes RUBY SPARKS from Fox Searchlight, a film directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris. Written by Zoe Kazan. Running time: 104 minutes. Rated R (for for language including some sexual references, and for some drug use).

We meet Calvin Weir-Fields (Paul Dano) a tortured young writer (we know he’s tortured because he wears black rimmed glasses, slouchy cardigans, and types on a manual typewriter) still riding the success of his first novel (he is clearly very wealthy, he lives in a two story house with a pool and a sweeping view of LA) but tormented by writers block. A visit to his shrink (Elliot Gould) reveals he takes almost no responsibility for his life. He feels his first novel was a freak occurrence, he’s still bitterly angry at his first girlfriend and he is disappointed in his dog. Yes you read that last sentence right. He obtained the terrier named Scotty because he thought it would lead to him meeting girls in the park. Turns out the dog doesn’t like strangers.

His muse comes to him in a dream. An ethereal backlit beauty played by Zoe Kazan (who also wrote the screenplay) looking disturbingly like a red headed Zooey Deschanel right down to her freakishly large Japanese anime blue eyes. Calvin names her Ruby and begins to write about her. He then awakes one morning to find her in his kitchen wearing an appropriately adorable pair of striped panties. Is she real? Yes Calvin’s brother Harry can see her.

Calvin realizes he can control her by writing about her (he types out that she speaks french and she instantly does) and declares he won’t write another word. This of course doesn’t last long.

I have no doubt Zoe Kazan as a young actress in LA has experienced a considerable amount of degrading treatment. From cutting remarks about her looks to people trying to manipulate her feelings. One of the most important aspects of the manic pixie dream girl is she has no life of her own. No job, no family, no friends, no interests, no desires beyond serving the man in her life. As Ruby starts to exist outside of Calvin’s mind. Taking an art class, eating dinner with friends Calvin can’t cope and starts to malnipulate her again. While the studio will no doubt sell this as a Rom Com its much more of dark fantasy with teeth. It touches on but alas doesn’t really explore Calvin’s desire to control the women in his life and his failure to take responsibility for his own happiness. When Calvin runs into his ex girlfriend at a party we start to see how deep his delusions lay and his shocking capacity for cruelty.

The performances are wonderful, even the supporting performances. I really liked this movie I just wish it had the courage to go past the rom com mold into the the dark and dramatic character study it touched on.

Do I reccomend this? I'm honestly not sure.

http://www.youtube.com/user/foxsearchlight?v=xb3_AE-UinY

The Imperfect Storm

There was a survey done once asking people about their greatest fear. The number one fear was public speaking. The number three fear is death. Jerry Seinfeld pointed out that means when attending a funeral people “would rather be in the coffin then delivering the eulogy.”

I have never understood this. Once on the F train, I heard a couple debating whether or not to see a movie and I inserted myself in the conversation to tell them about the documentary “The Cove”. I have no problem walking up to strangers and saying hi. When the magician asks for ‘assistance from the audience’ I don’t even wait for him to point at me, I just leap up onto the stage. When I was a volunteer at Northwest Film Forum I pioneered the idea of a “fun facts” presentation where I would introduce the film with trivia.

I have no problem with public speaking. If anything I adore it. Some of the most fun I’ve ever had was giving tours of KEXP studios in Seattle.

I also have a bizarre knack for attracting unusual circumstances.

I wasn’t really thinking about this one Friday afternoon when my friend Nancy called me and suggested we met up for happy hour appetizers and drinks. We decided to hit the Revolution Café at the Experience Music Project in the Seattle Center. We chatted, caught up then this woman who appeared with clothes and accessories and said “everyone dress up 80’s costume contest in 10 minutes.” I pulled on a gold lame shirt with shoulder pads, gave myself a sideways pony tail and slashed thick stripes magenta blush on my cheeks.

When it came time for judging, there was really nothing to distinguish me from the other contestants. Yes, I committed to the makeup in a way the other two hadn’t but I couldn’t count on that. So I did what I do best. I made a spectacle of myself.

I broke into the “Can’t Touch This” dance from the MC Hammer video of the same name. If you’ve ever seen me in a gay nightclub you know I can’t dance. I am an embarrassment to the art of dancing. But what I lack in rhythm I make up for in shamelessness. All the other two woman could do was stare in horror as I cabbage- patched my way across the room, off beat despite the fact there wasn’t any music.

I won. I received a $50 gift card to the Sonic Store (which of course I never used) and two tickets to the Seattle Storm game that very night!

Ugh.

One thing I take great pride in that many people do not quite understand about me is in the years I was imprisoned in Oak Harbor High School aka hell on earth, I NEVER ONCE attended a single sporting event. Nope, not one. No homecoming games, no away games. NOTHING. Which is saying something, considering Oak Harbor is the sort of hick town where the entire population showed up to high school games.

I had no desire to go to a basketball game then. I have no desire to see one…ever.

The woman was damn near panicking. I had to go! It would be such fun! I had to go! There was a contest there too! I could win!

I went back to the snacking and drinking with Nancy. She wouldn’t leave me alone.

“These games are so much fun!” Sigh. I told her I’d go just to get her to leave me alone.

Nancy and I chatted then she wanted to head home to her husband and dog. I started to leave, but then Nancy said “well why don’t you go? Just check it out if it’s boring you can leave.”

Oh what the hell.

I headed into the Coliseum (NO! I will not call it the Key Arena and you can’t make me!!!!).

I strolled around. That place really a microcosm of America, on the upper levels, where the seats are cheaper, there is pizza, beer, hot dogs. On the lower levels, where the seats cost a small fortune, you can get fresh sushi, Ivars Clam Chowder (sigh…) and microbrews. I should take a moment to point out that I still had my 80’s garb on. The gold lame blouse with the shoulder pads, magenta blush and sideways ponytail. I kept waiting for someone to ask me what I was up but no one did. Odd.

I went to found my seat as I casually headed down a small tunnel I saw the now dour faced woman who was begging me to go to the game glumly climbing the stairs. She saw me. Her face lit up.

She grabbed my hand and suddenly started dragging me behind her.

“Oh “she cried. “I was getting so scared!”

Scared?

We go flying past the lower level gourmet food courts, past the staggeringly overpriced merchandise booths, down stairs, through doors that stated ominously “NO ADMITTANCE BY GENERAL PUBLIC” Down a narrow hallway, BAM, into another even more narrow hallway while I struggled to keep up taking frantic baby steps in my strappy high heeled sandals, to another set of doors BAM! We were vomited directly onto the floor of basketball court, Seattle Storm taking on some other team just 20 ft away.

Ah crap.

“Okay” the woman says (why don’t I know her name by this point?) “Wait here, it will start in about 10 minutes” and she was off like a shot.

Um…what will begin in 10 minutes?

I started to feel a bit of panic, but then I stepped back and assessed the situation. Holy crap. I was ON THE FLOOR of the Coliseum. The Storm was barely 20 ft away. I was standing UNDER the bleachers. I had just barreled past giant signs telling me to keep out and I had permission to be there. I looked around at this exclusive area I had been granted access to and couldn’t help but wonder if it was supposed to smell like that.

That was when I noticed a tall red headed girl clad in Madonna garb circa 1987 watching the game. She must have felt my eyes on her because she turned around and smiled. Her name was Teresa and she couldn’t have been more than 19 despite the fact she was at least 6ft tall.

“Oh you’re here for the costume contest too! Liz said she was going to get the other contestants.”

I notice the woman I now knew as Liz approaching an older gentleman holding a hat, sunglasses and a white blazer the kind Sonny Crocket would have worn while tearing through the everglades while Glenn Fry played in the background.

It all made sense.

It was 80’s night here at the Seattle Storm. There was a costume contest to take place at the halftime show. It’s pretty hard to have a contest with only person. I was recruited from the Revolution Café. The gentleman was sitting in one of the lowest areas in the arena, the part reserved for people with season passes.

A horn sounded and the players left the court. Liz reappeared.

“Okay come this way” We walked across the court DIRECTLY UNDER THE HOOP (so cool) to an aisle. The gentlemen was sitting next to us, now looking as pathetic as Sonny Crocket would trying to pull off the Miami Vice look at 60 something.

“Okay you’ll be first,” Liz said motioning to Teresa. “We’ll introduce you and walk out maybe do a little dance and go stand near the S in Storm. Then you walk to the T” she pointed to me. “then Mr. Palmer go the O”

Mr. Palmer tipped his hat to Liz in that old school charmer kind of way that only Southern men and femme lesbians can get away with.

Doppler, the Seattle Storm mascot (no I don’t get it either) came out. The crowd was informed of where we sat (because our row would get a prize too) and to vote with their claps.

The prizes were half bad either. A gift certificate for a day spa. Brunch for two at the Space Needle. Now I really wanted to win.

Teresa went out first. I give her props because she had to go first. Basically she swung her hips and did a little spin. Still her outfit could play to the crowd. My gold lame shoulder padded blouse had seen better days. My magenta blush wasn’t going to read to the stands. I had to play this JUST right.

“And now please welcome Cameron!”

I just want you to know that from beginning to end this took MAYBE 10 minutes. And that includes Teresa’s and Mr. Palmer being introduced. My introduction to my taking my place on the T in Storm took 1 minute? Maybe 2?. I’m slowing this WAY down to explain it to you.

I spun onto the basketball court and immediately started doing the robot. The crowd reacted. I did a few spins and then attempted to moonwalk. That didn’t go so well but the crowd seemed to enjoy my attempt.

But hey I studied gymnastics as a child (until my breasts ballooned up to a C up in a single summer) so I decided to throw in a nice cartwheel.

I did a little jog as I would have to go backwards away from T in Storm to start on my right hand. I did a kick and put my right hand down. My legs went into the air. My left hand planted. A gentle rustle of fabric, a tickling sensation as my dress slid from my body and landed with a soft ‘whomp’ onto the heavily polished floor of the basketball court, completely obscuring my vision and exposing a torso that had seen neither the sun nor a gym since the first Bush administration to the 7,000 plus spectators.

Time seemed to stop.

While it is difficult to embarrass me it is NOT impossible, and unexpectedly flashing an arena is one way to accomplish this. It was certainly not the first time (nor would it be the last) I would in a state of undress in public, there are things to consider.

For all my lovers who have ever told me “all my other girlfriends wore matching bra and panty sets” women only do this in the courting stage, once we get past that the granny panties come out. On display was my gold and black leopard print bra and badly mismatched pastel flowered satin panties, along with my unshaved thighs with the vertical scars I acquired when distracted while playing the Kevin Bacon game I plunged thought the roof of a theater in 1994.

If there was one small mercy it was that I could not see the undoubtly horrified faces of the crowd. But as my legs quickly left the apex and began their inevitable descent another horror overcame me. While my black dress now hanging from my armpits and draped across my face meant when my feet clad in high heeled sandals came down I wouldn’t be able to see where I should put them down. They came down anyway, skittering across the floor and slamming my left knee into the ground.

A gasp from the crowd. I had a chance to get them back. A pity vote!

I sprang up into a triumphant V, my arms stretched to the sky, even as my knee caught fire and pleaded with me to sit down. The crowd screamed. I took a cue from the rock music and swung my hips to disguise the incredible pain I was in as I limped toward Teresa to take my place on the T, high fiving Doppler on my way.

Her face was twisted with concerned as she asked, “Are you okay?” I lied and said yes.

We turned our attention to Mr. Palmer now rising to take his little spin. The crowd sprung to its feet and exploded.

I heard Teresa sigh, and then she leaned in and whispered “we’re toast”.

It was so unfair. I guess Mr. Palmer was a regular at the games and beloved by the crowd by whatever standard sports fan apply to such things.

The whole “vote with your voice!” as Liz pointed to each of us was almost silly. Teresa and I both knew Mr. Palmer had it. I felt bad for Teresa, the only person in this group who actually MEANT to be part of this competition. But I felt worse for me, because I really wanted those gift certificates.

I danced off the court with Doppler almost supporting me, as much as he/she could because my knee was really starting to swell up.

I saw the team doctor, who iced me up and gave me Motrin and told me rest for a few days. She could have given a script for painkillers but no.

I tried to watch the game but it was REALLY boring. Lots of squeaking, lots of running. Okay time to go. I stepped out of the arena past the throngs of people limping on my sore knee, still clad in my gold lame shirt and my sideways ponytail, blinking in the pale grey of an overcast Seattle and realizing with amazement only 27 minutes had past since I walked in.

Culture Comments: Julie & Julie & Shirley & Me

I saw Julia & Julie. I really did enjoy the movie. Partly because I adore both Amy Adams and Meryl Streep(who is so GOOD at comedy it’s painful she doesn’t do more), partly because cooking is such a bizarre and unknown world to me I find it shocking people do it on purpose.

I completely disagreed with the reviews that said the Julie portion should be left out entirely. I loved that she created a project for herself and did the work. When I was 12, I became so obsessed with the movie Poltergeist, I audio taped by holding my little tape recorder up the TV (VHS players were costing thousands in those days) it and then typed up the entire script as well as a twelve year old could. Indeed both my best friend Joshua, and I both were inspired by the film to start thinking about goals and what we wanted to accomplish in our lives.

Still there was one scene that had particular and painful resonance with me.
If you haven’t seen the movie, it centers on two  oddly parall stories. One of Julia Child’s life in France and of her decision to focus on cooking (more as a hobby than anything else) and wounds up writing the seminal classic “Mastering the Art of French Cooking”. Years later, Julie Powell frustrated by her cubicle dwelling job decides to give herself a task. She’ll cook all 524 recipes in Julia Child’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking and write a blog about it. Tom and Lorenzo of Project Rungay wrote an intriguing review of the film with their unique perspective.

(sadly the link is no longer in existance)

As the movie goes on, Julie’s blog begins to draw attention to the point where there are magazine articles and a New York Times piece about her. One night a journalist calls saying he spoke to REAL Julia Child and she was being a ‘real pill’ about the blog. I can still see Amy Adams ashen face as she held the phone in disbelief saying “Julia Child said that? Julia Child said THAT?”

Being a freelance entertainment writer, I’ve met more of my heroes than I could begin to even count. Upon meeting Tim Gunn I actually started to cry a little. And what did Tim do? He gave me a big hug and his business cards saying “if you ever need anything please let me know”. I had Harold Ramis tell me “You’re very funny” when making a comment about “Groundhogs Day”.

And I’ve been seriously disappointed. The breathtakingly handsome movie actor who is without a doubt the most stupid and boring person I’ve ever met in my ENTIRE LIFE. He was extremely polite and kind, but after a few minutes, his beauty could not distract from his tranquilizer like personality. The comedy TV actress whose brilliant timing and gift for one liners stood in startling contrast to her frosty demeanor and surly attitude. The legendary producer who called me a bitch before I could even introduce myself. My first words to him were of me begging for forgiveness for transgression that is STILL unknown.

Which is not to say my enjoyment of their work has necessarily been dimmed. There is a certain director/writer/producer whose work has made a tremendous impact on my life. I will absolutely defend my stance that he has had a permanent (and evolving) impact on both the areas of cinema and pop culture in general. I own most of his films and have watched them so often I can quote many a line. He is brilliant, he is visionary, he is a God in my eyes. I met him. I saw him again recently. He was walking towards me and as he did I wondered if he would recall me and stop to chat so I responded in the only way I could. I dove under a table and hid until I was certain he was gone. I cannot stand him.

But he still inspires me.

As does Shirely MacClaine. As a young girl growing up in the nasty redneck Republician Jesus freak town of Oak Harbor WA, I was indoctrinated and ensconced in the idea of the oppressive Christian idea that as a female I was inferior and thinking, questioning, even postulating a theory that MIGHT be different from the authoritative males in my life was a sin, for which there would be deep and eternal punishment. As paltry as it was, Oak Harbor Public Library did have a copy of Shirley MacClaine’s Out On A Limb and Dancing In The Light. Trapped in the sterile atmosphere of knuckle dragging high school teachers and ditto headed classmates (before that term was even coined), the idea that were other options, concepts, philosophies that could be examined, explored was like that first gasp of breath after being under the water so long you feared you might die.

Assigned to cover the premiere of Lifetime’s Premiere of “Coco Chanel”, a deeply disappointing film that focused almost exclusively on her love life, which though very dramatic wasn’t that interesting. I was FAR more interested in her business life. Despite appearing in the commercials and posters Maclaine wasn’t in the movie very much. Still I needed a quote from her.

I waited for her on the red carpet and finally she got to me. Clad head to toe in Channel (natch) she was strikingly beautiful. I asked her a question about why she took the part of Channel and was surprised to learn that it was originally Audrey Hepburn’s idea. “We were making the Children’s Hour and she suggested it. I don’t look like her very much but according to Audrey I have her spirit”

I turned off my recorder and told Ms. Maclaine how deeply she had touched and changed my life. She signed and rolled her eyes.

She ROLLED her eyes!

This is woman who changed my life, expanded my horizons and her response to me was bored irritation. Eh?

Julie Powell life was changed forever by Julia Child but when Julia was made aware of her blog she wasn’t so much moved as annoyed.

Judith Jones, Senior Editor and Vice President at Alfred A. Knopf, and Julia Child's editor and confidante, was quoting saying “Flinging around four-letter words when cooking isn’t attractive, to me or Julia. She didn’t want to endorse it. What came through on the blog was somebody who was doing it almost for the sake of a stunt. She would never really describe the end results, how delicious it was, and what she learned. Julia didn’t like what she called ‘the flimsies.’ She didn’t suffer fools, if you know what I mean.”


Still Julie Powell harbored no ill will toward her critic. When Julia Child passed on August 12, 2004 she posted on her blog “She enriched the lives of thousands – my
life she quite literally turned around. She died well-loved, and I hope she died well-fed. There is no tragedy here. It’s a day for remembrance, and celebration. So why am I so fucking sad?”

Cleary Julia’s admonishments regarding cursing fell on deaf ears.

Still it would do us all well to remember that there is no business like show business in that an industry built on illusion. Our heroes are after all just people and the things that make them heroic to us is only one aspect of who they are. And yet Shirley MaClaine did change my life.

Whether that bitch likes it or not.

An open letter to Skynet, The Cylons or any other Robot Overlord

To whom it may concern:

While I’m not entirely sure you currently exist or if you will ever be, this letter is to any potential robot overlord that should someday rise to power. No doubt you are aware from The Matrix, The Terminator series, I Robot, Battlestar Galactica and many others, there is a deep distrust of advanced technology, assumption that when given a chance a self aware artificially created life form will rise up and destroy its creators.

I am here to say I don’t see any reason why human and our robot overlords cannot co exist peacefully. While I know initially I will be in the minority I know together we can work to create a world where mankind and robot kind work together.

You may have listened to our 44th President Barack Obama give a speech where he said “We are Americans, we do not do the easy thing, we do not do the simple thing.” While I understand his sentiments this is inaccurate. The United States of America is the superpower on the planet called earth let me tell you something about Americans.

We are lazy and we are selfish.

No, really we are. Not ALL of us, of course but some of us. Well most of us.

I include myself in this group. Now I hail from New York City so there is some intellectual superiority is to be assumed, but also a large part of why I live here was so I’d never have to cook again. 24 hour restaurants that deliver, that’s the life I choose. I pay other people to do my laundry, assemble my sandwiches, and clean my home. I simply loathe doing things for myself. Entire industries have been founded to meet this desire not to do for oneself. I am not alone.

We take pills rather than exercise of eat properly, we would rather watch the movie than read the book, we ship our kids off to boot camps when they become troublesome, rather than actually get involved in their lives.

Or other people do. I’m far too apathetic and self involved to have kids. My greatest love affair has been with my DVR. If  it could pay my bills I’d marry it.

My point we can make this work. Americans can live under a totalitarian, tyrannical regime; it’s how we survived the Bush/Cheney administration. I can live without civil rights. I cannot live without sleeping pills and air conditioning.

Now this will take some work, the Southern and Midwestern states don’t adapt well to change. But they easily suggestible and not suited to critical thinking. Once we get their religious leaders on board they’ll fall into place. And the good news their religious leaders have price tags.

Alaska? You may have to let that one go. The people there are mean nasty Republicans who already live like Neanderthals and can only JUST BARELY read and write. Taking away their plumbing won’t work because so few of them have it already. If you decide to wage a war against them you will win eventually but it might not be worth it.

I really don’t understand what your desires, ambitions etc might be. We can talk about it.

That being said if you don’t want to go this route, I ask you to remember this letter and please ensure that I am killed quickly and painlessly in the first wave.


Seriously, I neither am able, nor would I want to live in a post apocalyptic world. I will wither and die 10 minutes after I run out of shampoo.

Yours with love and affection
Cameron Grey Rose
Upper West Side
New York NY

An Inconvienent Truth

I’ve never been a big “Desperate Housewives “ fan.  I’m usually home Sunday nights so I watched it from time to time. Currently it’s in its 8^th and mercifully last season.  I had long ago grown weary of of the four women all of whom have been proven to be pretty bad mothers and their criminal misuse of the great Vanessa Williams regulating her to advising them on dating and wardrobe like a junior high buddy. 

But home with a terrible sinus infection last week I was bed looking for stuff on Hulu to past the time and found the penultimate episode of DH entitled  “With So Little to Be Sure Of”

I won’t bore you with extraneous details but Susan DelFino’s daughter Julie once thought to be the most smart, sensible, responsible person in the DelFino household has come home from college having stupidly allowed herself to get pregnant. She had made the decision to place to the child for adoption. Susan husband Mike was killed a few episodes ago and Susan found a box he had been hiding. She discovered that 8 years earlier Mike had discovered he had a older sister so severely austic she couldn’t speak. Mike’s mother put her in a home and never spoke of her. Mike only discovered this upon his mother’s death, in a letter she made him promise he would never tell anyone about this. Mike created an account sent money every month and visited every Monday “He said he was at softball practice” really? Every Monday for 8 years?  Year round softball and you never noticed that he never actually had a game?  Susan read the letter aloud to a pregnant Julie “’Caring for your sister was just too inconvenient’” she recites “Can you imagine being so callous you would give your baby away simply because its inconvenient?” Julie began crying ”I’ve been telling myself I’m giving her away because its best for her but the truth is having a baby just inconvenient.” Needless to say Julie has a change of heart and decides to keep the baby.

Inconvenient? Seriously? I heart anti-choice say this all the time. Once a woman talked about her mother getting pregnant at 15 “but choose my life over her convenience”. The massive undertaking of caring for a child til adulthood, the monumental cost, both financially, spiritually, and psychologically is ‘inconvenient’?  Google “I hate being a mom” and you’ll get  9.3 MILLION results.

http://www.justrage.com/I_Hate/i-hate-being-a-fucking-mother-and-i-dont-care-if-you-call-me-a-bitch/

“My kids are of toddler and preschool age. They fight, scream and demand all the time. I am so unhappy. Noone tells you how awful it is to be a mother. noone! Yes there are little sweet things that happen from time to time but over all it's terrible. I am so exhausted that I can't sleep at night. My nerves are shot from the kids constant yelling, fighting, and having to explain, soothe, or whatevery 24/7. I am tired! The amount of work that it takes to be a Mom and a housewife is inhuman. I never have a moment to just relax because when I am I am thinking about what work has to be done. It's fucked up. Yes I love my kids but I hate mothering them.”

Having to take a detour due to an accident and getting to work an hour late is an inconvenience. Your flight being cancelled and having to spend the night at the airport is inconvenient.  Bring a child into the world is a crushing responsibility and done improperly can have result in a tragedy for many lives.  Breaking down in tears because you’ve really the best years of your life are over and you’ve royally fucked EVERYTHING up isn’t something that can be described as “inconvenient”.

If you'll excuse me I've ruined my life I'm going hop into a warm tub and pop open a vein.

Big Red Cart

GRRRR ARRRRGH

People in Manhattan can be insane. Of course people everywhere are insane but it just seems like in Manhattan it a lot more concentrated and in your face.

About two years agoI noticed a blue cart filled with plastic bags in the basement laundry room of my bldg. on the Upper West Side. Two weeks went by and it was still there.

So I took it.

Two weeks ago I noticed a much bigger red cart in the basement.  It was under a table in the corner next to the bookshelf. People often leave items there for some reason they don’t want anymore. It started with books but has expanded to household items. 

So I took it.

A week goes by and I head down the laundry room. There are signs all over.

“To the person who STOLE my red cart you did that in FULL VIEW of the security cameras!!! We know EXACTLY who you are! Return our cart to Apt ## or we’re calling the police!”

What?

So I take the cart and put it in front of their door. No harm no foul.

A week later and I’m in the laundry room again. I see a woman with the red cart its filled with laundry she puts in a machine, then takes the cart and puts it back under the table and leaves!!!

WHAT?????

So last week her cart was ‘stolen’ and she’s leaving it unattended in the laundry again?  There are signs all over the bldg. urging tenants  to return the rolling carts management puts in the laundry room. People take them all the time.  By leaving the cart unattended AGAIN in the same corner where people put items they don’t’ want you are practically begging for it to be taken!

I mentioned this to neighbor who lives in an adjoining bldg. (there are three in PWS complex) She replies “Oh that’s what those were” I go to the bldg. and discover that while this woman is too lazy to take her cart back to her apt she DID have the energy to make up flyers and post them on every floor and in every laundry in a 3 bldg complex?  And when her cart was returned to opted to NOT take them down?

Well it guess its not New York without a daily dose of CRAZY!

Rupauls Drag Race S4 E8 - Frenemies

WHAT THE F**K JUST HAPPENED!!!!!

HOLY F**K BALLS! Thanks to the internet and people who aren't kind about spoilers its a little hard to get shocked by reality television these days. Rupaul deserves an emmy for the last five minutes of this episode alone.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

So its a parade into workroom with the remaining six singing "Jesus is a biscuit! Let him sop you up!" Looks like such fun!  Well maybe not for Sharon Needles if you look closely she has her fingers in her ears. Willam wipes Jiggly lipstick message off the mirror saying "at least its not on her teeth".  Asked if the experience taught him any humility Willam says "no" Phi Phi snorts deresivley. I tweet "Willam lack of humility will be her downfall" How could I know it would happen so soon?

Willam "I know I have a lot of talent."

Sharon "Miu Miu doesn't make talent". 

Mini Challenge isn't really a challenge this week. Its a fun opportunity for Ru to stir things up. The queens are hooked up to a lie dectector. Willam comments "I'm worried I'm going to asked questions I don't want to answer". Now that we know how this episode ends everything about Willam is shady.

Is this a real lie dectector? Aw who cares.

Love Ru! LOVE RU! Exective producers on the show I love how there is no pretense of "we just put out the cameras and this is what happened" Rupaul wants to create as much drama as possible. Her questions are designed to create maximum drama "are you now or have you ever been a biological woman? If Sharon Needles were the last ladyboy on earth would you kai kai with her?  Do you think Willam is prettier than you? Have you ever looked at the pit crew with lust in your heart? Do you like my line of Iron Fist shoes?"

Iron Fist clothing and shoes

At one point Ru asks "Willam have you lied about your age?" Is this a clue? Did Willam lie on his application? This is killing me!

Ru tells us that he has decided to create team based on the results from the test. Yeah right. But who cares? The teams are there to create maximum drama and conflict and I LOVE IT!!!

Latrice and Willam: They have complete different styles and temperments and attitudes. This will be fun.

Phi Phi and Sharon Needles: They hate each other. Nuff said.

Dida and Chad: The most experienced and polished queen with the least experienced and sloppy queen. I will Dida this. Since episode 1 Dida makeup and costuming skills have improved dramatically.  If she came into this show a few years later she might have really had a shot at the title.

The main challenge is to create a cabaret style night club act sung LIVE. Okay I'm just going to say this, drag queens are known for NOT singing live. Okay Ru does but she is the exception. She is possibly the only drag queen to have to top ten hit (and argurably the most successful drag queen of all time). Latrice understandably balks "There's a reason I don't sing live!"

Willam however does sing live with her own band. "I'm out to prove that I'm not just a lip syncing queen" once against insulting all the queens out there who DO lip sync which is almost all of them.

Phi Phi has a 'great' idea "lets do a Elphaba wicked thing" huh? what?  Sharon has a much better idea "Devil and Angel, thats the way people see us" 

ugh Phi Phi what a bitch. As Sharon comes up with lyrics ideas "Do you want to call me Party City Spook or Post Mortem glam?" Phi Phi "I'm not calling you glamourous" Sharon responds by letting that bitchy snark roll off her back.  It is time for Phi Phi to go home!

Ru visits to check on progress. He's concerned. He should be. "there's a lot stuff going on here. I'm gonna let you get back to work"

The girls had off for coaching from Lucien Piane, songwriter and producer for one Rupaul. Its always fun to watch people who can't sing or dance try to do both in heels.  Chad points out that she and Dida sound like "Two sick cats". Dida "he must be thinking 'those bitches are fucking up  my song" Lucien tells Phi Phi not to "Christina (Aguilara) it up" Latice and Willam "really need to practice".

Sharon "Phi Phi is just that squeaky princess that needs to be whacked over the head with a 2 by 4" True dat. Her bitchyness is off the charts and never has it been so apparently how desperately blind she is to her own (multiple) short comings.

Shortly before going out on stage people are noting that Willam seems low energy. Chad "she seems really quiet" Dida "She doesn't seem like herself"
Willam "who is slamming the fucking counter while i'm doing liquid (liner)?

Had producers already spoke to Willam? We saw on "Untucked" that Willam said he'd had a 'rough morning'. A commenter asked "When did the producers talk to Willam? They wouldn't force him to go through with the rest of the show just waiting for the ax to fall would they?" Of course they would. And it would certainly explain a lot.

As makeup is being applied the queens chat about the drag families they acquired coming up in the clubs. Latrice "if we haven't seen each other in a while we have a big potluck dinner" Sharon "I want to come to your house for dinner!" Chad "Me too!" Willam notes that because he found his fame and fortune on TV and in film he's "a little weak in the friend dept" Sharon "I can't believe you don't have a drag family" Chad "I couldn't live without mine".

Fun little fact I learned about Willam's makeup. Apparently he refused to use the heavy stage makeup all the other queens used preferring his high end
department store makeup. Tim Gunn once told me the Runway show on Project Runway last 7-8 hrs for filming but are whittled down to 20 minutes in editing. If RPDR has a similair timeline even if Willam gave himself a close shave prior to the catwalk his beard would be peeking through by the end.

Ru introduces two guest judges Jennifer Tilly and Pam Anderson.  Willam and Latrice perform and do a passable job. it depends almost entirely on Willam who actually does a really good job.
Latrice would point out Willam pulled him out of his comfort zone by putting him in a corset.

Sharon couldn't help but notice that "the judges looked a little bored" For all his "Party City" insults Phi Phi's Angel looks like she bought it the costume at its discount cousin "Event Town" its so tacky and that halo is tragic.

Dida and Chad do a passable job. Barely.

Pamela Anderson is not great as a judge. Her eye makeup is weird is and all she does is gush compliments. Tilly  has clearly paid attention and offers credible insight. I couldn't help but notice Ru seems less than engaged with his fellow judges. Was that a veneer to cover his rage? 

If you watch cutaways to Ru at time stamp 33:35 - 33:50 while praise is heaped on Willam and Latrice, he stares straight ahead his mouth a thin line barely concealing his fury. He knew what was about to go down but the other teams sucked so hard he had no choice but to give the win to Latrice and Willam.

Sharon and Phi Phi are in the bottom and must lip sync for their lives. But before they do...

Then Willam runs to puke off the stage. Ru asks robotically "Willam are you okay to continue? alright" I don't know if the queens are micced but Willam barfing sounded like a velociprator projectile vomiting like a fire hose. I suspect it had some 'audio enhancement'.

I couldn't help but notice the PA standing nearby in an adorable floral frock.

 But the show must go on. Time to LSFYL to Rupaul and Marsha Walsh's "Its raining men" Phi Phi does the wig pull which to me should be an automatic out. If you have a Fantasy team (which I do) you know you lose three point for pulling off your wig. Personally I think you should lose an extra three points for taking off your heels as well.  Sharon kills the song while Phi Phi as Tom and Lorenzo expertly point out "Phi Phi would have gone home. To us, if you’re going to lip synch, then you have to engage the audience. We can’t stand when these queens tear around that stage like a chihuahua on meth."

But I noticed something during the LSFYL. There are at least half a dozen cutaways to Willam standing the background unlit and looking miserable.
Ru "I've made my decision. Willam will you please step forward?" The queens look STUNNED. Willam clomps the stage as if he's strutting down the green mile to the electric chair.

The other judges don't look stunned. They looked pissed.

Ru "it has been brought to my attention that  you have broken the rules. Rules put in place to ensure the fairness of the competition. I have no choice. Shashay away"

WHAAATTTTTTTTTTTT????????????????

I never watch "Untucked" frankly it makes me uncomfortable to see people being so nakedly cruel to one another BUT this time Ru says "You've seen tonights shocking elimination. What did Willam do? All is revealed on Untucked"

So of course I watched. And no they never said.

William gave this interview to EW that told us nothing.

So what happened?

1) Was it drugs?

From this recap http://www.avclub.com/articles/frenemies,70801/

"Untucked don’t give any answers about Willam’s misconduct, but based on the other queens’ reactions, I’m going to guess it’s something drug-related. That’s founded on nothing but Willam’s comments on the Gay Pimpin podcast, where she discusses her affinity for marijuana (which she has a medical license for) among other things.
The most logical explanation would be pills, which would be easiest to sneak on and use during a reality competition and would also induce vomiting when mixed with a stream of Absolut vodka. She could just be nervous/drunk on the stage, but based on Latrice’s “something was up” comment and Willam’s low energy before getting on the runway, it’s very possible that there was something more than fish in her system"

hmm possible but what did Phi Phi mean when she said "I don't want my reputation to be tarnished because of your behaviour" or Chad "She's doing things we can all get in trouble for" So how could be drugs?

2) Phone call home
if Willam snuck in an iphone she could be disqualified. Producers are very strict about isolation. Still that wouldn't explain the Phi Phi and Chad comments earlier but it WOULD explain these comments from Untucked

Phi Phi: Why did you have a rough morning?

Willam: Personal reasons.

Phi Phi: your personal reasons are things you shouldn't have been doing in the first place.

3)Accepting money for promoting designer's name
On comments on Logotv home page suggest that Willam accepted money for promoting designer names (he's shameless been name dropping them all season). Except this was filmed months ago wouldn't it be easy for producers to edit out name dropping? And would designers really pay money to get mentioned on a basic cable reality show? In this economy maybe. And that could explain Ru's "rules created to ensure fairness" comment.


We've beem told "all will be revealed" at the reunion show which I usually skip. This season I won't skip it for all the tea in China.

RPDR S4 Episode 7: Dragazines

So what is it with hangers on this show? It seems like every show opens with some declaring “I get (insert departing queen’s name here)’s hangers!” Personally I would like to know more about the rules regarding costumes and makeup.

Jiggly once against affirms her place on the show. “I know Milan is good but I’m good too”  while Willam asks her “you don’t think you’re going to win do you?”  Jiggly glares at him.

Phi Phi “that was an awkwardly long pause”

Its pretty clear the sharks have smelled blood and are circling.

Its fitting the mini challenge is “The library is open”  The queen turns throwing shade but oddly despite beign the bitch of the season (and that’s really saying something) Phi Phi insults are surprisingly bland. Personally I thought  Sharon nailed it with “Jiggly you’re such a fat bitch after sex you smoke hams!” But the winner was Latrice “Sharon Needles: two words side show freak”

Not many competition reality show repeat challenges, but  RPDR have their viewers looking forward to the “Snatch Game” and the “The Library is open”.  You’d think they would have had something prepared or at least been thinking about it.

The main challenge is creating a magazine cover. Rupaul has said  these challenges come directly from things he has done in his own career as a drag queen and I don’t doubt that’s true. Still this challenge does  demand creativity and wit and EVERY drag queen needs a lot that.

Having won the mini challenge Latrice gets to decide who gets what title.

Battle of the Bulge – Jiggly  - Jiggly doing a fitness magazine? Cruel but its not called Rupauls Best Friend race.

Taste Like Chicken – Dida a cooking magazine? 

Sugar Walls – Willam – interior decorating

Kitty Cats – Sharon for lovers of kitty cats “I love pussy” I knew Sharon would run with this.

Sashay Away – Phi Phi  (When given this Phi Phi says, “Are you trying to tell me something?” Latrice replies, “Please do.” I die.)

Eleganza – Chad – Fashion, this should have been a home run for Chad but sadly no.

What’s The T – Latrice Hollywood gossip. Given that Latrice choose this for herself its odd how badly she botched it.

Its pretty clear almost immediately Jiggly is going home. “Does this have to be comedy?” she asks “Couldn’t hurt” replied Chad. But Phi Phi can still smell blood. “if you think can get more out of this by being serious you should try that”

Dida doesn’t like her magazine either feeling its racist “I want to class this up, black woman on a cover eating chicken.  That could easily be offensive. I don’t eat watermelon I don’t eat chicken. What are you trying to to do (to Latrice)? Gook a bitch?” umm that’s NOT racist?

Latrice uses her 5 G’s: Good God Girl Get a Grip. “You’re a dude in a dress. It’s not that serious.”

When Ru comes for a visit it quicly becomes clear the queen are floundering. “Who the customer for this magazine” Ru asks Willam of his interior decorating magazine  “Women and…men”. So the entire planet?

Ru “Doesn’t that seem a bit broad?”

Ru ask one question of every queen “how does this magazine express you?” its clear the point was to use the magazine to tell the world who you are. Yet NO ONE seemed to get that.

After the photo shoots its back to the workroom to prep for the runway and the talk quickly turns to marriage. Latrice says she doesn’t think it should be called marriage anymore but what I think she means is marriage should be redefined. No matter. Sharon Needles wins he night with her comment “I support gay divorce”.  BWAH

Time for the runway! One thing I did find odd was when they showed the cover they whizzed by at such breakneck speed I really couldn’t see them. Given they were part of judging criteria (right?) so wouldn’t it have been nice to actually be able to read the captions? 

I’ll leave the comments on the fashion to people more qualified to judge than me except to say Jiggly once again she was headed to her prom.

Dida Ritz Bland and unfunny.

Chad Michaels – I forgot this was supposed to be be a fashion magazine I thougth it was travel for a second.  The font color blended in with the background making the unfunny captions difficult to read.

Thought I loved her Runway look. VERY 1980’s New Jersey girl. It was fun.

\

Jiggly: boring and what exactly was that cover? If she's boxing him why doesn't he have gloves on.

Latrice: Regina King nailed it.” It looked like the name of the magazine was “Hollywood”  it looks like more like a club flyer” RK really killed it this week. Can we replace Santino permanently with her?

Willam: lacked creativity and focus and hit showed. I hated it.

Phi Phi: it was okay I guess frankly I was rolling my eyes at all the praise that being heaped on her. But there was a bigger question.

Sharon Needles : Why didn’t this win?

Dressing up as Little Edie? Inspired. The captions? Hilarious. Now THAT is a magazine I would buy.

In the end Willam and Jiggly must Lip Sync for their Lives. Frankly I was pleased, to see Willam get knocked down a peg. Yes I knew the minute Jiggly was told she was up for elimation she was going home, but still Willam has a bad attitude and needs to learn some humility. It one thing to think you’re the shit. Its another to think you’re the shit because you are superior to everyone else. 

Of course I was surprised that Willam even bothered to learn the lyrics. The fact that he didn’t have any panties on because “I didn’t know I’d be lip syncing” didn’t surprise me as must as it confirmed by already low opinion of him.  Neither of them lit the stage on fire and I wouldn’t be surprised if this permanently wounds Willam ‘s over inflated pride.