Rupauls Drag Race S4 E8 - Frenemies

WHAT THE F**K JUST HAPPENED!!!!!

HOLY F**K BALLS! Thanks to the internet and people who aren't kind about spoilers its a little hard to get shocked by reality television these days. Rupaul deserves an emmy for the last five minutes of this episode alone.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

So its a parade into workroom with the remaining six singing "Jesus is a biscuit! Let him sop you up!" Looks like such fun!  Well maybe not for Sharon Needles if you look closely she has her fingers in her ears. Willam wipes Jiggly lipstick message off the mirror saying "at least its not on her teeth".  Asked if the experience taught him any humility Willam says "no" Phi Phi snorts deresivley. I tweet "Willam lack of humility will be her downfall" How could I know it would happen so soon?

Willam "I know I have a lot of talent."

Sharon "Miu Miu doesn't make talent". 

Mini Challenge isn't really a challenge this week. Its a fun opportunity for Ru to stir things up. The queens are hooked up to a lie dectector. Willam comments "I'm worried I'm going to asked questions I don't want to answer". Now that we know how this episode ends everything about Willam is shady.

Is this a real lie dectector? Aw who cares.

Love Ru! LOVE RU! Exective producers on the show I love how there is no pretense of "we just put out the cameras and this is what happened" Rupaul wants to create as much drama as possible. Her questions are designed to create maximum drama "are you now or have you ever been a biological woman? If Sharon Needles were the last ladyboy on earth would you kai kai with her?  Do you think Willam is prettier than you? Have you ever looked at the pit crew with lust in your heart? Do you like my line of Iron Fist shoes?"

Iron Fist clothing and shoes

At one point Ru asks "Willam have you lied about your age?" Is this a clue? Did Willam lie on his application? This is killing me!

Ru tells us that he has decided to create team based on the results from the test. Yeah right. But who cares? The teams are there to create maximum drama and conflict and I LOVE IT!!!

Latrice and Willam: They have complete different styles and temperments and attitudes. This will be fun.

Phi Phi and Sharon Needles: They hate each other. Nuff said.

Dida and Chad: The most experienced and polished queen with the least experienced and sloppy queen. I will Dida this. Since episode 1 Dida makeup and costuming skills have improved dramatically.  If she came into this show a few years later she might have really had a shot at the title.

The main challenge is to create a cabaret style night club act sung LIVE. Okay I'm just going to say this, drag queens are known for NOT singing live. Okay Ru does but she is the exception. She is possibly the only drag queen to have to top ten hit (and argurably the most successful drag queen of all time). Latrice understandably balks "There's a reason I don't sing live!"

Willam however does sing live with her own band. "I'm out to prove that I'm not just a lip syncing queen" once against insulting all the queens out there who DO lip sync which is almost all of them.

Phi Phi has a 'great' idea "lets do a Elphaba wicked thing" huh? what?  Sharon has a much better idea "Devil and Angel, thats the way people see us" 

ugh Phi Phi what a bitch. As Sharon comes up with lyrics ideas "Do you want to call me Party City Spook or Post Mortem glam?" Phi Phi "I'm not calling you glamourous" Sharon responds by letting that bitchy snark roll off her back.  It is time for Phi Phi to go home!

Ru visits to check on progress. He's concerned. He should be. "there's a lot stuff going on here. I'm gonna let you get back to work"

The girls had off for coaching from Lucien Piane, songwriter and producer for one Rupaul. Its always fun to watch people who can't sing or dance try to do both in heels.  Chad points out that she and Dida sound like "Two sick cats". Dida "he must be thinking 'those bitches are fucking up  my song" Lucien tells Phi Phi not to "Christina (Aguilara) it up" Latice and Willam "really need to practice".

Sharon "Phi Phi is just that squeaky princess that needs to be whacked over the head with a 2 by 4" True dat. Her bitchyness is off the charts and never has it been so apparently how desperately blind she is to her own (multiple) short comings.

Shortly before going out on stage people are noting that Willam seems low energy. Chad "she seems really quiet" Dida "She doesn't seem like herself"
Willam "who is slamming the fucking counter while i'm doing liquid (liner)?

Had producers already spoke to Willam? We saw on "Untucked" that Willam said he'd had a 'rough morning'. A commenter asked "When did the producers talk to Willam? They wouldn't force him to go through with the rest of the show just waiting for the ax to fall would they?" Of course they would. And it would certainly explain a lot.

As makeup is being applied the queens chat about the drag families they acquired coming up in the clubs. Latrice "if we haven't seen each other in a while we have a big potluck dinner" Sharon "I want to come to your house for dinner!" Chad "Me too!" Willam notes that because he found his fame and fortune on TV and in film he's "a little weak in the friend dept" Sharon "I can't believe you don't have a drag family" Chad "I couldn't live without mine".

Fun little fact I learned about Willam's makeup. Apparently he refused to use the heavy stage makeup all the other queens used preferring his high end
department store makeup. Tim Gunn once told me the Runway show on Project Runway last 7-8 hrs for filming but are whittled down to 20 minutes in editing. If RPDR has a similair timeline even if Willam gave himself a close shave prior to the catwalk his beard would be peeking through by the end.

Ru introduces two guest judges Jennifer Tilly and Pam Anderson.  Willam and Latrice perform and do a passable job. it depends almost entirely on Willam who actually does a really good job.
Latrice would point out Willam pulled him out of his comfort zone by putting him in a corset.

Sharon couldn't help but notice that "the judges looked a little bored" For all his "Party City" insults Phi Phi's Angel looks like she bought it the costume at its discount cousin "Event Town" its so tacky and that halo is tragic.

Dida and Chad do a passable job. Barely.

Pamela Anderson is not great as a judge. Her eye makeup is weird is and all she does is gush compliments. Tilly  has clearly paid attention and offers credible insight. I couldn't help but notice Ru seems less than engaged with his fellow judges. Was that a veneer to cover his rage? 

If you watch cutaways to Ru at time stamp 33:35 - 33:50 while praise is heaped on Willam and Latrice, he stares straight ahead his mouth a thin line barely concealing his fury. He knew what was about to go down but the other teams sucked so hard he had no choice but to give the win to Latrice and Willam.

Sharon and Phi Phi are in the bottom and must lip sync for their lives. But before they do...

Then Willam runs to puke off the stage. Ru asks robotically "Willam are you okay to continue? alright" I don't know if the queens are micced but Willam barfing sounded like a velociprator projectile vomiting like a fire hose. I suspect it had some 'audio enhancement'.

I couldn't help but notice the PA standing nearby in an adorable floral frock.

 But the show must go on. Time to LSFYL to Rupaul and Marsha Walsh's "Its raining men" Phi Phi does the wig pull which to me should be an automatic out. If you have a Fantasy team (which I do) you know you lose three point for pulling off your wig. Personally I think you should lose an extra three points for taking off your heels as well.  Sharon kills the song while Phi Phi as Tom and Lorenzo expertly point out "Phi Phi would have gone home. To us, if you’re going to lip synch, then you have to engage the audience. We can’t stand when these queens tear around that stage like a chihuahua on meth."

But I noticed something during the LSFYL. There are at least half a dozen cutaways to Willam standing the background unlit and looking miserable.
Ru "I've made my decision. Willam will you please step forward?" The queens look STUNNED. Willam clomps the stage as if he's strutting down the green mile to the electric chair.

The other judges don't look stunned. They looked pissed.

Ru "it has been brought to my attention that  you have broken the rules. Rules put in place to ensure the fairness of the competition. I have no choice. Shashay away"

WHAAATTTTTTTTTTTT????????????????

I never watch "Untucked" frankly it makes me uncomfortable to see people being so nakedly cruel to one another BUT this time Ru says "You've seen tonights shocking elimination. What did Willam do? All is revealed on Untucked"

So of course I watched. And no they never said.

William gave this interview to EW that told us nothing.

So what happened?

1) Was it drugs?

From this recap http://www.avclub.com/articles/frenemies,70801/

"Untucked don’t give any answers about Willam’s misconduct, but based on the other queens’ reactions, I’m going to guess it’s something drug-related. That’s founded on nothing but Willam’s comments on the Gay Pimpin podcast, where she discusses her affinity for marijuana (which she has a medical license for) among other things.
The most logical explanation would be pills, which would be easiest to sneak on and use during a reality competition and would also induce vomiting when mixed with a stream of Absolut vodka. She could just be nervous/drunk on the stage, but based on Latrice’s “something was up” comment and Willam’s low energy before getting on the runway, it’s very possible that there was something more than fish in her system"

hmm possible but what did Phi Phi mean when she said "I don't want my reputation to be tarnished because of your behaviour" or Chad "She's doing things we can all get in trouble for" So how could be drugs?

2) Phone call home
if Willam snuck in an iphone she could be disqualified. Producers are very strict about isolation. Still that wouldn't explain the Phi Phi and Chad comments earlier but it WOULD explain these comments from Untucked

Phi Phi: Why did you have a rough morning?

Willam: Personal reasons.

Phi Phi: your personal reasons are things you shouldn't have been doing in the first place.

3)Accepting money for promoting designer's name
On comments on Logotv home page suggest that Willam accepted money for promoting designer names (he's shameless been name dropping them all season). Except this was filmed months ago wouldn't it be easy for producers to edit out name dropping? And would designers really pay money to get mentioned on a basic cable reality show? In this economy maybe. And that could explain Ru's "rules created to ensure fairness" comment.


We've beem told "all will be revealed" at the reunion show which I usually skip. This season I won't skip it for all the tea in China.

RPDR S4 Episode 7: Dragazines

So what is it with hangers on this show? It seems like every show opens with some declaring “I get (insert departing queen’s name here)’s hangers!” Personally I would like to know more about the rules regarding costumes and makeup.

Jiggly once against affirms her place on the show. “I know Milan is good but I’m good too”  while Willam asks her “you don’t think you’re going to win do you?”  Jiggly glares at him.

Phi Phi “that was an awkwardly long pause”

Its pretty clear the sharks have smelled blood and are circling.

Its fitting the mini challenge is “The library is open”  The queen turns throwing shade but oddly despite beign the bitch of the season (and that’s really saying something) Phi Phi insults are surprisingly bland. Personally I thought  Sharon nailed it with “Jiggly you’re such a fat bitch after sex you smoke hams!” But the winner was Latrice “Sharon Needles: two words side show freak”

Not many competition reality show repeat challenges, but  RPDR have their viewers looking forward to the “Snatch Game” and the “The Library is open”.  You’d think they would have had something prepared or at least been thinking about it.

The main challenge is creating a magazine cover. Rupaul has said  these challenges come directly from things he has done in his own career as a drag queen and I don’t doubt that’s true. Still this challenge does  demand creativity and wit and EVERY drag queen needs a lot that.

Having won the mini challenge Latrice gets to decide who gets what title.

Battle of the Bulge – Jiggly  - Jiggly doing a fitness magazine? Cruel but its not called Rupauls Best Friend race.

Taste Like Chicken – Dida a cooking magazine? 

Sugar Walls – Willam – interior decorating

Kitty Cats – Sharon for lovers of kitty cats “I love pussy” I knew Sharon would run with this.

Sashay Away – Phi Phi  (When given this Phi Phi says, “Are you trying to tell me something?” Latrice replies, “Please do.” I die.)

Eleganza – Chad – Fashion, this should have been a home run for Chad but sadly no.

What’s The T – Latrice Hollywood gossip. Given that Latrice choose this for herself its odd how badly she botched it.

Its pretty clear almost immediately Jiggly is going home. “Does this have to be comedy?” she asks “Couldn’t hurt” replied Chad. But Phi Phi can still smell blood. “if you think can get more out of this by being serious you should try that”

Dida doesn’t like her magazine either feeling its racist “I want to class this up, black woman on a cover eating chicken.  That could easily be offensive. I don’t eat watermelon I don’t eat chicken. What are you trying to to do (to Latrice)? Gook a bitch?” umm that’s NOT racist?

Latrice uses her 5 G’s: Good God Girl Get a Grip. “You’re a dude in a dress. It’s not that serious.”

When Ru comes for a visit it quicly becomes clear the queen are floundering. “Who the customer for this magazine” Ru asks Willam of his interior decorating magazine  “Women and…men”. So the entire planet?

Ru “Doesn’t that seem a bit broad?”

Ru ask one question of every queen “how does this magazine express you?” its clear the point was to use the magazine to tell the world who you are. Yet NO ONE seemed to get that.

After the photo shoots its back to the workroom to prep for the runway and the talk quickly turns to marriage. Latrice says she doesn’t think it should be called marriage anymore but what I think she means is marriage should be redefined. No matter. Sharon Needles wins he night with her comment “I support gay divorce”.  BWAH

Time for the runway! One thing I did find odd was when they showed the cover they whizzed by at such breakneck speed I really couldn’t see them. Given they were part of judging criteria (right?) so wouldn’t it have been nice to actually be able to read the captions? 

I’ll leave the comments on the fashion to people more qualified to judge than me except to say Jiggly once again she was headed to her prom.

Dida Ritz Bland and unfunny.

Chad Michaels – I forgot this was supposed to be be a fashion magazine I thougth it was travel for a second.  The font color blended in with the background making the unfunny captions difficult to read.

Thought I loved her Runway look. VERY 1980’s New Jersey girl. It was fun.

\

Jiggly: boring and what exactly was that cover? If she's boxing him why doesn't he have gloves on.

Latrice: Regina King nailed it.” It looked like the name of the magazine was “Hollywood”  it looks like more like a club flyer” RK really killed it this week. Can we replace Santino permanently with her?

Willam: lacked creativity and focus and hit showed. I hated it.

Phi Phi: it was okay I guess frankly I was rolling my eyes at all the praise that being heaped on her. But there was a bigger question.

Sharon Needles : Why didn’t this win?

Dressing up as Little Edie? Inspired. The captions? Hilarious. Now THAT is a magazine I would buy.

In the end Willam and Jiggly must Lip Sync for their Lives. Frankly I was pleased, to see Willam get knocked down a peg. Yes I knew the minute Jiggly was told she was up for elimation she was going home, but still Willam has a bad attitude and needs to learn some humility. It one thing to think you’re the shit. Its another to think you’re the shit because you are superior to everyone else. 

Of course I was surprised that Willam even bothered to learn the lyrics. The fact that he didn’t have any panties on because “I didn’t know I’d be lip syncing” didn’t surprise me as must as it confirmed by already low opinion of him.  Neither of them lit the stage on fire and I wouldn’t be surprised if this permanently wounds Willam ‘s over inflated pride. 

For Aunt Edie, wherever you are: Good Christian Bitches

I have an aunt Edie, my father Frank’s younger sister. I haven’t talked to her in at least 20 years. The last thing I remember her doing was sending me a Christmas card reminding to the “Christ” in Christmas. I called her thanked her for the card and pointed out that Jesus Christ, if he did exist, was almost certainly born in either March or April. I remember Edie from her high school days. I didn’t know it then we didn’t’ have the term but Edie was a dyed in the wool “Mean girl”.

She was her mother’s daughter. My grandmother Lupe was a bitch with teeth. Some of the things I remember most about Lupe was her humorlessness. She wouldn’t let my cousin’s boyfriend in the house because they lived “in sin” and insisted she a virgin on her wedding night but got a divorce shortly thereafter before she knew she was pregnant with my father Frank. FYI Lupe I will never believe that.

But the thing I remember most about them was the way they went to church. They were the WORST gossips. I don’t even want to think about how many UTI infections they are indirectly responsible for as the second you would leave room they would spread the most awful rumors about you. And they used the their Christianity like a club, the sole purpose of which was to bash other people in the head.

They were both such bitches.

 

GCB originally titled “Good Christian Bitches” debut to modest ratings on Sunday March 4^th, clearly intended as a replacement for the departing “Desperate Housewives” (a show that hung around two seasons too long and committed a criminal act by using the multi-talented Vanessa Williams as set decoration) based on the novel of the same name by Kim Gatlin. Already its had some controversy. It was reported Philly Cream cheese pulled it sponsorship due to the themes. Philly denies this.

All I can say is this. I was raised to be a good Catholic girl. I spent years in a private Catholic school. I know my Bible stories. I memorized Scripture. And Grandma Lupe and Cunt Edie took me to church many a Sunday in Arizona. I know Southwestern Church life.

This is the most accurate depiction of Christians I’ve ever seen.

Our hero is Amanda (Leslie Bib), newly widowed, fleeing California and scandal. Her husband scammed his way to billions via Ponzi scheme and died. Lacking money and skills, Amanda and her two teenage children crawl back to Dallas and the McMansion home of Gigi, Amanda’s estranged mother.

None too happy to see her are her former high school class mates. As the teen Amanda spread rumors, stole boyfriends, and lorded over the school as  the Queen, both of the mean girl and of the Longhorn Ball (complete with horns on the tiara).

The newly sober Amanda seeks to find a job only to find that the gang of GCB’s are scheming against her.

Left to watch in horror as Gigi buys her daughter a push up bra and teaches her son to mix drinks. “Mother I will move me and the kids to a cardboard box under the highway!” Gigi (ably played by Annie Potts basically continuing her Mary Jo role from the 80’s sitcom Designing Women) dryly replies “as long as its the 10. Nobody we know drives that road”.

Dragged to church by her mother Amanda discovers that in her absence across the street neighbor Carlene (who Amanda had kicked off the cheerleading squad for having bad skin) had taken over as Queen Bitch. Carlene who gets all the solos in the church choir (for good reason as she is played by Broadway vet Kristin Chenoweth)is now married to a Texas oil man is the ruler of a catty church clique: Cricket who used to date Bill before Amanda stole him away is a successful fashion designer with her own clothing line, Sharon former beauty pageant queen who has gained weight (in the shows cruelest joke actress Jennifer Aspen looks all of 15 lbs heavier than her co stars and yet is constantly shoveling ice cream into her mouth), and the Hispanic real estate agent who was the daughter of one of their high  school’s lunch ladies.

Executive Producers Darren Star (creator of Sex and the City) stamp is all over. Chenoweth stomps around her McMansion in Christian Loubitons. Potts tells Bibb “The Lord often speaks to me through Christian Dior”.

There are some funny one liners, the show isn’t boring. But as accurately as it portrays Christian women men are viewed (except of course for Amanda’s late husband but he dies before the opening credits role) almost saintly, enduring their exhausting wives with cheerful good humor (well except for one who has a secret he’s so careless about hiding I can’t help but think it demonstrates his wife’s denial more than his lack of honesty).

Still I will watch and think of Edie and Lupe. Lupe would often quote scripture about righteousness and morality. Fun fact: Lupe’s been divorced 4 times.

Another trip through the dragulator

Esther Shady

Free Speech: Elisabeth Hasselbeck doesn't get it.

Joy Behar to Kirk Cameron "Shut up"

Kirk Cameron, who was once a popular teen idol but hasn't really done anything since starring on Growing Pains except star in really bad Christian Fundamentalist movies, was asked his opinion on gay marriage. Do I really need to tell what he said?

No doubt its the most PR he's received in YEARS. Self proclaimed Christian and bobble head on the View Elisabeth Hasselbeck responded when Joy Behar suggested Cameron shut the hell up.


Elisabeth Hasselbeck "Are you for free speech? or free speech when you agree with it?" 

ugh.

The Same thing happened years ago when Carrie Prejean First runner up for Miss USA 2009 (the winner certainly didn't get a 3 minute segment on The Daily Show) when she said she was for 'opposite marriage' and felt she lost because of it.

She held a press conference to discuss how her free speech rights had been violated. "This SHOULD NOT happen in America!".

The only thing I learned was both Prejean and Hasselbeck have no clue what First Amendment stands for.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Joy Behar is not Congress. Neither is Donald Trump. The Constition guarantees rights. It DOES NOT guarantee that this won't make others think differently about you. It does not say "if your friend says something really stupid you can't block themo n Facebook". Nor does it prevent David Letterman from referring to you as a "dumbass".

Unless a law has been passed that says "Kirk Cameron is not allowed to speak of gay marriage on talk shows" and Cameron is subsequently arrested for that doing. Neither Cameron nor Prejean nor that dumbass poser Tim Tebow have ever suffered legal reprecussions for their words or actions.

A Facebook friend accused me of violating Tebow right to 'religious freedom' when I called him a dumbass.

When preponents of gay marriage and the like accuse others of violating free speech that tells alot about them.

It tells me they can't formulate a rebuttal without changing the subject.

Rupaul’s Drag Race Season 4 Episode 6 – Whatever Floats your Boat

As Episode 6 opens we are reminded that the consistently underwhelming Kenya Michaels is now after losing to Milan during the Lip Sync For Your Life portion (despite the fact that is the second week in a row Milan has been forced to LSFYL).  Phi Phi, the mega bitch was apparently close friends with Kenya.

Milan comments that his drag is ‘misunderstood’ because he likes to “teeter totter in the boy world”. William bitchly but accurately points out that only works “if you’re super feminine” which Milan is not.

William we are reminded cried on the runway last week because everyone will to ‘be sent home so I can win’. Jiggly dryly coments “ I didn’t know Satan could cry”.

Time for the minichallenge. Wet Hot American Parking lot! It’s a wet tshirt contest with chests provided by Boobsforqueens.com! It’s a real website!

Ru says there is a crowd of ‘spring breakers outside’. Where do they find these people? And why are the nipples blurred when the queen are dancing onstage but not in the workroom? Phi Phi has a major wardrobe malfunction. His chest and wig come off. He blames the water but no one else comes undone.

William is acting like a drag queen porn star. As much as it annoyed me when he said “Its money in the bag” when it was announced he does indeed win.

For the main challenge Ru gives out queens a little history lessons with regards to the Stonewall Riots and Marsha  P Johnson. Thank you Ru! Not only is RPDR the most subversive hour on television but it does an amazing job of imparting lessons about gay culture and its rocky past.

The queens are given boats in hanky in the Pride Flag rainbow colors (Do you know the hanky code? Google it. It was from back when gay had to send each other singles rather than be out in the open. It was the pre historic Grindr).

I’m going to let the amazing Pandora Boxx sum up the bitchy ”William  starts to decorate his float with star stickers with his pictures on it. Then he rattles on about his Dolce & Gabbana coat. Can we just all bask in the sheer amazingness that is Willam’s ego? Can’t you all feel it? Smell it? It smells a little like spray tan, duct tape and used condoms. Am I the only one waiting for Willam to spontaneously combust from his own fabulousness?”

http://www.newnownext.com/rupaul-drag-race-recap-pandora-boxx-episode-six/03/2012/

Phi Phi never stops being an bitch in this episode but at least her comments are more true than not. She quickly point out that Jiggly Caliente is drowning, unsure of her theme. Jiggly has been coasting by being slightly less awful than Milan for a couple of weeks now.

Chad Michaels – Pink

Chad does vegas showgirl float. And her ass looks AMAZING which guest judge Kelly points out. But is it really ‘fashion forward”? Wasn’t that the challenge?

Jiggly Caliente – Orange

For a plus size queen Jiggly half asses it. A cape thrown over a bathing suit (to quote Edith Head “NO CAPES!”), underdone makeup, she looked sad and scared on the runway. Ugh girl you came to this competition too soon.

Milan-Yellow

Not much better. Milan is more passionate but far more sloppy and seriously lacking in makeup and costuming skills. At least Milan tries. But for all that trying, she’s failing.

Dida Ritz – Red

Rupaul said “Fashion forward” A t shirt and red harlem pants? That wouldn’t be fashion                forward in Indiana.

Sharon Needles – Green

LOVE HER. ADORE HER. WORSHIP HER. She took her boat and turned it into an entire story, dressing up like Medusa. No one touches her for sewing skills and makeup skills. No queen looks so dramatically different from challenge to challenge. And she’s a big ole pile of fun to boot!

Latrice – Turquiose

Like Sharon she grabbed the challenge used it to tell a story, Ursula the Sea Witch  but she doesn’t quite have  Sharon’s sewing or makeup skills and was SEVERLY dinged by Michelle Visage for wearing her lace up pirate boots AGAIN. It’s a fair criticism. As Kelly Osbourne put it “goth lesbian hiking boots. I will burn them”.

Phi Phi – Purple

Sci Fi – I guess that’s fashion forward. It’s a Buck Rodgers cat suit. Still she stood on the runway like she was sucking on a lemon. She looked stunning but sour.

William – Blue

Oh Wiliam. I  hate you. Yes you had the best boat, yes you had the best outfit but you need some humility. I think I’ll leave it to Tom and Lorenzo to sum it up;

“So congrats once again to Willam. There’s no doubt she had the best look on the runway but we have to wonder if being able to wear your Gaultier bathing suits and Dolce & Gabbana coats is fair in a competition when other queens are walking that runway in homemade clothes. There doesn’t seem to be much of a rule there. Also, there was a little bit of judging fudging going on here, because Milan got slammed for making her boat all about herself and Willam won for basically doing the same thing. Obviously, there were other factors at play and we have no problem at all with her winning, but the judges had to jump through some hoops to get there.” 

So it was Milian and Jiggly LSFYL. ONCE AGAIN Milan ripped off her wig and took off her clothes in case we forgot she’s really a man. This is drag completition. Jiggly unless Phi Phi royally fucks it up next week ( and I really hoping she WILL)you’ll be here only for about 10 more minutes.

So Currently My dream team of Latrice, Chad and Sharon Needles have me in 5116^th place. I love that the scoring is plus 2 for saying bitch, plus 5 for being bleeped.

Later kittens!

My own trip through the dragulator...

Jessica Simpson: Sad, moron copycat millionaire.

I really don’t like Jessica Simpson. Really. I didn’t like her when she first appeared on the scene, as a Britney Wannabe, her bland songs sampling songs that had already been played to death on their top 40 round trip. I not only had issue with her material but with her source material: the girl trafficked in excess.

Then came her smug “I believe in God so I’m a virgin!”  when, the then 22 year old married to Nick Lachey. I could fill another blog (and probably will) with my thoughts on why I don’t think waiting until you are married to have sex is a good idea. Apparently it wasn’t this time either, as the marriage only lasted 3 years. 

Simpson film debut was as a bust as her starring role as Daisy Duke in the 2004’s execrable  “Dukes of Hazzard”, her role pared down until it was little more than a glorified cameo. Her video for “These Boots are made for walking” was just an embarrassment as Simpson aching desire for approval leapt off the screen and landed with a sad uncomfortable thud in everyone’s laps. Subsequent films went straight to DVD (if they were released at all). Her albums sold poorly. John Mayer apparently made veiled comments about how she was in bed.

However her shoes, hair extensions and makeup sold extremely well. In excess of 100 million dollars a year (groan).

I met Simpson at a party for Tim Gunn 5 years ago. She was very thin and extremely annoying. And she was fidgety! Constantly fussing with her hair, her clothes, her jewelry. She made me nervous. Every gesture screaming “LOVE ME!”. I just wanted to give her a teddy bear, a blankie, some hot cocoa, and then to get THE HELL AWAY FROM HER. 

My loathing from her stems partly from prejudices from childhood. I have no doubt she came from a mother who was a Good Christian Bitch. I was raised in the church. I don’t’ attend anymore and not just because crossing the threshold makes my skin sizzle; the hypocrisy makes me queasy. I couldn’t stand the women there with their expensive clothes and blackened hearts. I don’t think Simpson could ever be one of those women. She’s far too dumb. But she would be one of their minions.

So the good Christian girl who doesn’t’ believe in sex before marriage is now pregnant out of wedlock (much like her mall rat sister Ashley who got  married when she was 4 months pregnant  and is now divorced). And she’s posing naked on the cover of nation magazines once again making a sad copy of iconic image.

I posted on Facebook about sad this creature doing a Demi Moore pose on the cover of Elle. It was just hours before I found out a job I interview I had last week had gone to another candidate. I thought I had aced it.  I had to dig change out the couch to get discount Valentine Candy at CVS.

And as much as I want to hate Jessica Simpson, I really can’t. Yes she’s a moron but its not really her fault. Lets face it even if she was born to noble prize winners and educated in private Upper East Side snob factors she still wouldn’t understand the difference between knowing you’re shit and knowing your shit.

A friend on Facebook commented “You know clothing lines sell more than 100 million a year. She outsells Diddy!” I thought of Jessica millions as I rubbed a bruise I had on my knee from crawling under a turnstile because my metrocard is empty.

Somebody Kill me please.

I'll bet cash this has been so photoshopped its practically a painting.

Why I worship Angelina Jolie's Right Leg

I worship Angelina Jolie Right Leg. Really I do. I have a picture of it on my mantle next to a glass of wine and a dollar bills. I want to hump this leg and create little calf babies.

I can just imagine how conversations around the Kerig machine went Monday morning. “What movie won best picture again?” “Umm the painter? Did you see Angelina Jolie’s leg?” By morning it had its own twitter account with @AngiesRightLeg with over 45,000 followers. But the rest of the world is still having a lot fun with it as photos of her right leg are being added by bloggers to famous works of art and other memorable photographs. It’s called "leg-bombing." According to THR “it was Jolie's longtime stylist, Jen Rade, who advised and coached her on adopting that stance to better show off the dress.”

I understand where Jen Rade was coming from. When I was all over 7, Saturday Night Fever was all the rage and so were wrap skirts. I tried one on and twisted the fabric around so I could stick my leg out through the slit 32 years before Angie did.

Still I saw Jolie directorial debut “In the Land of Blood and Honey”. It was too long. Its not exactly burning up the box office and was nominated for nothing at the Oscars. Yes Brad Pitt was nominated for best actor but no one expected him to win.

Yet Angelina managed to make the entire evening about her. Well her leg. Jim Rash went to accept his Oscar for best adapated screenplay for the Descendants he donned her pose. Sadly we never saw her Jolie reaction shot, perhaps she didn’t notice.

Some people insist that Jolie is livid abuot the coverage. Others say she is having fun with the whole thing.

The Oscars were a deadly dull affair. The only real excitement was Jennifer Lopez’s nip slip (accident? Personally I don’t think so) but it gave us something to talk about. Angie’s Leg.

I shall build a statue of Angie’s leg. Many stories high. I will shave my head and cease bathing.

I am a follower of Angie’s Leg. I am a Leggie.